All of the moments...

Saturday, April 23, 2005

hmmm... a nice day...filled with disappointments..

okies...yesterdae was practicalli a damn slack day! yar...SUPER slack..i onli went fer 1 lesson... coz i ponned 2 lectures=x=x haha..n mrs ho on mc...no gp...the feeling is sooo shiok! mi jacky jansen n fiz....was slacking in sc room...haha.....n waiting fer the recce after school... jansen keep scolding *****, and the others oso say him back... the vulgarities...make mi...so 'out of place' haha..dunno leh..i just dun like hearing it.... now make mi kinda saying it though...its so bad.....i dun1 to.... n din't mean to say..... haha..perhaps i'm in like clit class in sec3 n 4...den my class now oso dun tok vulgarities one...hahahaz... but nvm..i will xi guan one ks... i noe guys are likdat de...so yar...hahaha.. but just hope i wunt learn frm u all.... haha.. but the whole thing was kinda farnie too... haha..coz whenever jansen sae ***** jacky will say **** back to suan him...hahaz.. after tt the 3 of us went to eat lunch...den after lunch was like...soo bored...den we called zongrong n went to his house to play bridge!!! so long nv play le!!! the games were great..... reallie... coz i miss bridging soooo much..... n we went back late by 10 mins... yea.... so in sc room...the ppl were sitting in 2 grps... quite usual i suppose.... yar so tuan briefed us..... den dey were unhappi with the grouping.... my group was initialli with zongrong, alex,zirui, sam and hazel... wheareas another clique grp is vicki yunhui jansen royston jacky n ivan... hais...zirui actualli was evenly split 5 5 in each grp..but hais........dunno larhs....its quite..i dunno.... shall not say le...but like wad zongrong says..... both group got gd n bad factor..... got 2 zr n alex...tink will b vv fun le bahs.... den yar hazel says if she in our group she dun1 cum fer camp le.... when we heard bout it... of coz we not happi....i mean...hmm..i tot she's good...n i dun mind her in our grp... n she actualli....says tt... so we are fine arh....if she feels weird den is ok...so youcai is now in our grp.... he's good to crap with oso..so i realie dun mind at all yar...haiss... okies.....

so the recce......its kinda weird oso...we are like separated into 2 groups........ our clique ppl together... yar..... we bought ice cream den eat along the way... haha...so we kinda treat this recce as a clique outing larhs.... toking crap while walking...we walking abit slow larhs...but canot blame...coz dey realliee walking sooo fast larhs... n jansen leg is injured...can't dey understand? n i'm vv tired oso.... okies...alil bit our fault...coz we seem to b taking our own sweet time.. but we just wanted this kinda speed to tok marhs.... we are oways likdat....eberitime even if its just our clique outing.... so i bet they are like toking bad bout us in the front larhs..... n dey shouted too..coz at the playground..we played ABIT long larhs....=x hmmmm.... so tt brings us to our LAST station..... den yunhui heard sum sarcastic things again.... and this time we are fed-up... how can ppl b so fake..... i mean we din't do anithing against dem... n dey were like... dey are guys n most of dem are frm sports pdp why can't dey walk faster.... hahaha..onli roys frm soccer larh...ur facts are wrong..... dey dun like us n dey make it too obvious liao larhs.... aniwaes.. hais...finalli see the true colours of dem le.... dey can tell us niceli to walk faster... but their attitude...hais... i dunno larhs..... i noe sum ppl dere are nice ppl...n i dun blame dem at all~~ yar ppl like sandi.... hmmm... i tink tuan realie in a difficult position... sorrie tuan...we din't mean fer such things to happen..... council is just likdat i tink.... fake people eberiwhere.....i tink the junior council will b shiok if dey noe such things actualli happened but the dinner after the whole thing... made up the day again!!~ yar.... once again, i am disappointed in council... yar ONCE AGAiN...

but overall i still enjoyed yesterdae... n i suddenli gain alot general knowledge... u all noe wad i mean...hahahaz... okkies.... i din't noe i was tt innocent.... i tot i knew alot things..but turn out i noe the least..hahahaz.. okies...

sum tots to ponder over...... if our clique is not tt close...will things like yesterdae happen?? but i don't regret to be in the clique..... why do ppl dun like the clique? -mabbe coz we oways ostrasize ourselves, ivan says mabbe coz dey dun like sum ppl frm our clique, perhaps we are oways late and stuff (i still remember council handover at sentosa, 1st tIME... dey alreadi bs us le... so yar this is just a repetition) but in ani case....clique still rocks....... council wunt b a nice memory is my life..... but clique is sure one big part of my good tj memory~~ i will cherish the times we have left together! yar.... ha

Monday, April 11, 2005

siansss siansss

i'm suddenli sooooo sad! sian diao..haix who's there to listen to mi??? nobodi understands moi larhs...okies....i reallie wan a good sleep now...just sleep soundli.... dun care animores.... i wan to change to a private blog sooooonnn..life sucks life sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

hAix~

haha i now using the school laptop in council room blogging!!
this week gonna b reallie tough fer alot people~~ but we sure can struggle tru' de
for those hu are in cheerleading~~ jiayou wor! its gonna b over soon
ivan: all the best for your cross country must do ur best ks? and fulfill your dreams wor!!~

met up with jasmin and esther on friday.... coincidence... yar..... reallie miss them alot... we just crap... and they eat sooooo much.... firstly at pasta mania den went over to orange julius to have their ice cream..... fergot to call daphne...sorry ger!!~ we'll meet again next time okies~yea although we don't have the chance to meet so often, but we'll oways be great frens fereva! yea!!~
its reallie weird...we stay reallie close to each other like just a carpark away or a park away, but we reallie nv meet each other at all... thursday when i saw jasmin in the morning we were like waving frantically to each other... jas ger... must cheer up ks~ tt guy not zhi de u wei ta sad!! =p

okies...actually friday wanted to come back to school for delta house function... but when i walked to the mrt station i was realli exhausted and decided to head home to sleep... and yea i had a very very nice sleep! woohoo! heeee!!

saturday had gp tuition in the afternnon... .din't manage to complete the hw... partli coz i'm kinda lazy~~ and no self discipline... hahahaha.. okies..yar tt's mi larhs...cannot blame rite...=x

den at nite went to beta house function...it was reallie fun....yar...hahaha...took fotos..den crap den sing song.... saw mervin they all there too and realise it was roy's bday....but dint manage to see him.... *sad* really miss our batch exco alot... we like mad ppl oways wear nice nice go eat den take lotsa fotos... we must meet up soon ks!!!! haix... sec4 life was the best man.... all the wonderful memories... wondering if i would miss tj so much after this year.r....mabbe yes, mabbe no....

yesterdae was chem spa....i reallie dunno if i had done well but i can say i've done my best... with no regrets.... todae's there's hc meeting and international frenship day rehearsal... tmr it is the real thing and oso got erms....maths test...erms....sc introduction...rmb wad i did last yr..hahaha...i am the super one, i am the mighty one, i am the super i am the mighty, i am the no. 1...haha..and when imentioned ahs... so many ppl cheered fer moi.... its nice to b an anglican!! hahaha!~~ okies.... den thursday got hrc meeting and then sports day marchpast rehearsal yar....and friday is sports day.... sucha a busy week!! must try to survive tru' it...

i can do it de!! heeeeeeee..............

Sunday, April 03, 2005

REmInIsCeNce!!~

memories... are meant to be kept or thrown away?
perhaps to all of us, some memories will always flood to our mind, those are the truly happy ones or the really sad ones... but some will just be saved in a hidden part of us...
after going tru' the terrible fake event, it realli made mi tink alot about the past...

why did i run fer tj council in the ferst place?
-the blur mi...just sign up without reallie tinking much
-i enjoyed my secondary council alot
-seniors approaching me
-just wan to try fer fun, tot i wunt get in

den came e rantings/scoldings/hustings....

tots of giving up ran tru my mind..

but i persevered...

i din't campaign at all,

but i got in....

happy... but sumhow seeing those people whom got in... sumhow tink there may be clashes... and i wunt mix well with them... all this i din't tell ani1.... BUT... yar... it turn out quite true... council is not even bonded at all....

first official elects meeting...

saw e camp grouping...quite happy coz got nice seniors... dhana yazid hanwen hannee... and was in the same grp as ivan caroline chirag chungee sandi... okies... *truthfully* i sumhow fergot the ppl in the grp... but i remember ferst meeting dhana bought chocolates fer us... felt so nice!!=p we had to pick twigs as a group, but i din't pick any....

in between... so many things happen... saw different type of people who tried to lead... they are the ferst to volunteer in all the things... they even hold 1 pizza treat fer seniors... which was super POR...i tink...yar yar.... erms... okie...*truthfully again* this part of memory kinda faded... and i just typing wad i remembered...

then came council camp.... which was terrible/horrible cum horrendous fer mi... tt time i tink i'm onli close to angeline and dunno ani1 else.. i can't run well, coz i oways had heart probs n stitches.. and its so terrible u noe.... the pt..... 1 nite...i can't take it animore... tt tears just dwell up in my eyes... i feel that the people is camp was kinda fake...as in u dunno hu is real hu is not... and i tot i will feel very lost in council coz alot ppl i just can't click with and no1 to tok to..... that nite i remembered...i wanted to tok to angeline coz she's the onli 1 i'm close to... but she said she wanna go to bath... i felt so lost.... but seriousli... thanks to ailing n poyi... hu came up to mi....woah....tt's the best senior hu made mi din't feel so lost.... u noe wad... tt period of time i reallie tot of giving up..... i felt like a failure..... still remember the ferst nite.. hannee asked to tink hardli whether i wanna b a house capt.. and said she believe in me... i was touched... but in the camp...i bet i had failed totalli, making her disappointed time after time, coz i have a weak fitness level in terms of running... i remembered her shaking her head when she saw how i fared... i felt so terrible den... she was my ou xiang den...n i actualli made her tink tt way... okies... wanna thank ailing n poyi again... fer allowing mi to cry it all out n pick myself up again... and thanks minh huong n sum seniors hu wrote notes to encourage mi... tt was realli useful.... okie...during council camp... we are individuals, who tried to show our "acted" self.....

after the camp, came the exco elections... i sorta bent on running fer house captain... though i realie wanted to be PC before... but i was reallie afraid tt i can't get house captain n i will regret not running fer exco... so i decided to run fer vice president... which i noe i sure can't get... i din't even prepare my speech... and i failed terribly during the toking part... i knew right on the spot tt zirui will get sure b one... and i tot nobodi will vote fer mi at all... ohhh... it turn out... frm jeremy recently.... my votes were after zirui though her votes were 3 times more den mi... it made me sumhow comforted... u noe y... coz i tot i reallie will get 0 votes... and it turn out... haha.. but sumhow lucky i nv get vicepres oso... coz i realie not up to it... even house captain.. i not up to it oso... during tt period of time... there are alot ppl who keep telling mi i can make it i am good etc....although i noe tt i'm reallie not capable at all, just fergot all of my incapability bcos of the people hu encouraged mi... thanks rebecca... i remember u are the one that i told all these to... and u are oways there to tell mi i can do it de... after the vp post...i did not run fer anithing else though i got nominated fer all the other 3 posts... secretary treasurer n pc... secre n pc quite alot of times i heard my name... its kinda fun keep saying REJECt... the feeling quite shiok... hahaz...

den was house captain election... tt time i reallie vvvvvvvv worried...i dunno y..... tt time i realie wanna b... but now...haix...not realie le... okies... den i got it quite easily.. coz the other ppl said dey dun1 to be.... yar...tt time b4 election alot ppl tell mi i sure b one... but i dunno.... just feel so ffarnie... as in.... my mind told mi its quite confirm yet my heart...just chose to disbelieve...okies and i got it.......

yarrrrr..... its been 1 year le!!!!!~

throughout the council term,

the only thing that i'm truly thankful,

is to know ppl in the clique *council handover**....

zirui: there are times that we were reallie close, but a time which we wasn't tt close... but now again we're reallie close again~~ you're wonderful vice president n our hrc chairperson!!!~ nice fren reallie nice who gave reallie good advices to many things.. and listen to my troubles... you're an awesome ger mansss! reallie reallie... can b my ou xiang le...but cannot say tt...if nt u will b bhb again!~ haha... but i just love u alot!!~!!!

yunhui: hmm... i'm quite sorry tt i reallie can't give u advices sumtimes... coz i'm reallie scared tt i give u wrong advice... know u are vv down, but i wasn't with u... reallie feel apologetic... just wanna tell u... u're a great fren that i treasure alot alottt... will never ferget how i got to know ya... and how we spent times crapping n toking n gossiping... taiwan days were reallie great too... with u!!!~!! i love u too!!!! haha...

my 2 SHE pals.... we were such nice frens..... i treasure u all alot... no matter wad happen... we must stand together as SHE ks!!!!!!!!!!!

zonGrong: i reallie admire u fer ur courage for standing up fer us...thanks! love ur jokes, know u can b realie emotional at times..... but u are a realie great fren whom can put a smile onto each of our face!!~~

alex: STOP AlEXING!!~ haha...but u're vv farnie larhs! tt i must admit

ivan: go fer W.....w......W.... hahaha..

jackY: u too.... go fer W....w....W..... haha... sorry fer the "troubles" i brought to u all these while...

royston: nice n loyal fren!!=p thanks fer ur organic chem notes!!~

hafiz: sorRy... that we speak to much chinese and insensitive sumtimes=p

jansen: my wonderful grandson... yeash thanks fer listening to mi... u're realie great arhs!~

okies..wanted to write a long para fer each n eberi of u... but indeed there is too much to write and i have a chem test tmr... yar... but u all will oways b my best best best best frens in jc!!!!~ i promise u all a good good testimonial... message at the end of our council term....


end of council term is nearing...

am i going to b sad

or shall i b happy....


i will cry......
coz i miss u guys...
the time we slack in sc room
the time we played bridge
the time we go out so often
the time we luff
the time we misunderstand each other yet stand so strong together
i will misssss u allllll.... reallie missssss

i will luff....
coz i can finalli leave the fake place
the fake people
the sad task....
i will luff loudli!!

term gonna end le.....
we shall seee.....

ok...i reallie miss my secondary school frens now too... my brother need to use the com le... but promise u all, jas est daph jos gina ahsscexco etc etc...i have not fergotten u all...... miss u all alot too... my next blog update will be dedicated to u all~~~ todae suddenli so many memories flood back....hais... see ya all soon!!!!~=p

Saturday, April 02, 2005

i will fang xia soon... or perhaps now!~

我喜歡
作詞:娃娃 作曲:陶喆

我站著,我坐著,我走著,我盼望著,心跳已經飛了。
我知道,我想這個 一個快樂的我,就在什麼地方。
在快速生活找到一些從容 在複雜世界擁有一點天真

我 喜歡這樣的感覺,我只想要簡單的快樂
希 望和你一起擁有,輕輕鬆鬆的享受
常常歡笑,做個好朋友。 嗚~~~耶

我看著 每條街 走在那 大街的人 他們在想什麼。
燦爛的 陽光下 解放了 心中的我 這一刻放輕鬆。
在快速生活找到一些從容 在複雜世界擁有一點天真

我 喜歡這樣的感覺,我只想要簡單的快樂
希 望和你一起擁有,輕輕鬆鬆的享受
我 喜歡開心的感覺,給好心情留一個角落 想 想過去,
想想未來,回到最初的感動

常常歡笑,我的好朋友。
我喜歡這種感覺(喜歡開心的感覺)

this song perhaps totally describe how i want how i yearned to have... i reallie have to just stop thinking... hmm.. actuali i'm not thinking now.. okies i reallie dunno how to type it out...

you see...at ferst i had alreadi totalli stop liking him coz of alot alot of things and actualli "hated" at a point of time, but things realie got betta when school reopened... perhaps bridge was one reason why.... and we began to tok like wad we used to do... and that period of time, i reallie have no feelings towards him at all...

den came the chinese results... which was so disheartening... i reallie needed sum1 fer mi to sms to pour up my sadness to tt nite and i dunno why, i just happened to sms him... a terrible mi... a reallie depressed side of mi which i had nv want ani1 to noe... i dunno y..but i reallie needed sum ppl to tok to... after i press the send button i regretted immediately... and the next day... i continued to tell him all about my troubles on msn... and after toking to him, i realie felt betta... thanks loads fer providing tt listening ear.. i appreciated loads...

but... my bu zheng qi e heart melted again... sumhow.... but i din't show it... or perhaps i din't realise it den

den at a point of time... he was telling me bout his sadness too.. about how he felt hurted by another ger... and how he felt inconfident he was... i could just give him encouragement.. which i tink it din't help at all... felt quite shi bai... why he could help mi tide over my lowest point and why i can't just make him feel the same thing

i realise i was falling fer him again... but i dun want it... initialli, i just tot mabbe i just an lian him fer a short while... an lian is better as in more of infactuations... coz when u see him u are happi... and when he's happi u are happi too and you wldn't care bother about anithing else... but it just wunt do... coz i was seeing him omost everyday and i just can't lock my heart sumhow... no matter how hard i tried....

den came hols...din't meet each other tt often, a few times though... but everynite....dreams tend to haunt mi...good and bad ones..... hais.. issit coz i keep thinking of him....no~~ i alreadi tried not to think... den how it turned up tt way.... i reallie dunno how to handle it during the hols...no1 to tok bout this to... reallie no1.. wanted to tell jansen at ferst...yet he so cranky at tt time... so came this day... i chatted on msn fer a long time..coz i reallie dun dare to go n slp...afraid the "dreams" will come back again... and actualli got a bad scolding n attitude from my mum... i wass so angry so pissed so confused so luan4 mixed feelings so down.... but "he" still lingers in my mind...which makes mi feel even worse... den i decided to end it by telling how i feel...and hopefully after sending the sms i will just fang xia... tt's a wildful tot a stupid childish move wishful thinking that i will fang xia so easily..a lousy me...a blur mi... an unawake mi.. but at tt time i got nth betta to do to end this... and i was thinking he will definiteli not reply back... and i will have 4 days to ferget it coz i wunt b seeing him oso....

the next day morning, when i am reallie awake, i realli regretted pressing the send button again... den i saw jansen online and told him all that i had done... felt betta after telling him all of tt... thanks grandson fer listening to my troubles....

in the evening, i received his sms, which i can still remember vaguely.... but when i receive the sms, i was quite happi... actualli was realie happi... coz i tot i reallie fangxia le.... and tt our frenship is still sustained even after that stupid sms tt i had accidentalli sent..... okie....

but the happiness did not last long.... the next day....i shan't elaborate too much....hmmm.. yar..i met him with sum others... den the feeling came back again... haiss...tt's damn sad... fang xia isn't easy at all..... but its vv mild this time.... den i told zirui oso...cuz i can't take it le at a point....

hmm..now in school...everything seems normal... we are still frens who say hi to each other.... but inside me...all had changed... i dunno... perhaps we can't be tt close anymore... can't pour out sorrows/happiness to each other nimores...even when i'm upset, he wunt be the one i tok to le.. perhaps i just dun dare... even on msn... sumhow i lost topic to tok to him about animores... i still can luff when he's around...and when he's around..seriousli i feel nth at all...but when on msn, when i see his nick online...i will auto msg him...and will b sad when he replied short ans or nv reply... yea..n i deleted his nick, or put it sumwhere else so tt i wldn't see... but when i feel that we are still frens, i feel bad doing so... i tried all means to fang xia le... i tried not to msg him on msn le.... but its just hard.... it takes time... all these are all in my mind and i can't get it off..... its just in the song... how i actualli want things to be... hope everything will turn betta...=pP yar much much betta.... hopefully... now i have fang xia le!!!~ jansen zirui: u all owe mi a meal le=pPp
i finally done what i shld do!

no matter wad, i still treasure him as one of my best frens...

i dunnno if i shld post this....... haix....