All of the moments...

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

sick of school....

haix............ i hate school now.... i juz like sleeping n sleeping n sleeping n immersing in the world of my own.. with no distractions, with no noise....juz sleeping n sleeping even when i'm not tired....
yea...i've pon 2 daes of school n went late once in dese two weeks after the promos.... its juz when i woke up i feel the intense pain in my stomach...perhapS its xin li zuo yong... coz i realise i have going-to-school-phobia... nobody noes it....yeaz...
i hate going to sch~~ 1stli, so many ppl arnd mi has achieved wonderful grades all of of them are discussing bout s paperS etc.... mE??? horrendous results.. CDE... n i can nv take s papers coz i take only 3 subs n mY horrible gradEs.. i hate when ppl discussed bout s papers coz i really feel ultra sad... n dese few daes its like everyone is toking bout it... the feeling is bad...terribly bad... reallie feel like retaining 1 yr.... i feel i'm one of the lousiest in TJ... i dun like dis... i wan to be the middle or the top i dun wanna b the bottom!!! 2ndli, i reallie feel vv loneli in schH.. ok i oways du lai du wang... but i juz feel...i dunno.. sumtimes i reallie like walking alone... deep in my own tots... but i realie feel that tj is very cold......vv cold... yea...although i seems vv happi cheerful in school, but deep down mi... is this feeling of loneliness.. yea.. my klassmates r great BUT how many times do i see them n i dun reallie feel vvvv attatched to them n sorta feel like i'm so eXtra.. yea..counCil peepZ esp my clique ppl are wonderful too.. but they are people i joke around with, play with, and they are never people that i reallie share my tots with... Yar everyone has their own problem i suppose.. but i juz hate the feelinG....3rdli, my tuto0riaLs are all undone n i do not noe how to face my tutoRss.... i dunno wad to do...i'm dying...totalli dying.. i wanna retain i wanna go poly i wan to get out of tJ.... still got alot alot alot alot alot things that make going to sch a phobia fer mi
my house...i dunno..yea...i wan to treat my parents my siblings well... but dey dun seem to be able to understand mi... when i reallie stressed out..there's nobody that i can turn to.. only my bed, my pillow... n when i accidentalli shouted at them dey sae out all sorts of thing... i wanted to use the comm.. to release my feelings.. n my brother juz kp playing n playing n hogging to it whole day long... i need a break... i juz hope i can die n slp all the way n i'll b in my dreamworld oways oways oways no neeD to wake up... but seriousli i dun have such a courage... the devils playIng my mind.......
today sum1 asked mi if i still like him... hmmmmm... i seriousli dunno... i dun wanna like him coz its torturing.. n i dun even dare to say hi to him... the feeling is terrible... i dun1 to make myself unhappi.... n add on to my not so happy mood now.. yar..he's too good fer moi le larhz coz i'm such a loser such a rubbiSh..such a terrible creature... n i dun wanna ani relationship until my 2 yrs in tj end....*hopefully*....hAix...i dun wanna tink of this qn animore..i dun wan i dun wan... i wan a good cry.. i wan to get out of pw.. i dun feel attached to anithing animore... whether its council, house comm, klass... i feel out of place i dun feel that i belong to tj... i belong sumwhere else a place of my ownnnnnnnnnnnn............................. i hate life!